Forgive Me
by Teh Healist
Summary: Phoenix and Jullianne get in an argument... and one of them walks away hurting.


A/N: I apologize for keeping all you FFTA fans waiting while I work at an excruciatingly slow speed on my Red Alert 2 story. Rest assured that once I'm relieved of my end-of-school-year pressure, I'll crank out that story much faster. Also, I've put a stop on my excessive gaming, which was indeed taking up much of my time. Anyway, to keep you guys happy, I've decided to pound out a quick one-shot based on a song I really like. Ever since I heard it, I've had this plot idea floating around in my head. Hope you enjoy it.

By the way, it assumes that Jullianne and Phoenix are now dating, or whatever you want to call it.

Disclaimer-That-People-Probably-Skip: I do not own FFTA or "Forgive Me". SquareEnix owns the former, and Evanescence owns the latter.

Forgive Me

(Can you forgive me again?

I don't know what I said.

But I didn't mean to hurt you.)

Sometimes I really loathe Phoenix. He's insufferable, pompous, and sometimes I truly can't understand how I ever fell head over heels for him. Like right now, for example… I just found out he was flirting with some other viera… I don't even know (or care) what her name was. He's mine, dammit! Doesn't she know that? Doesn't HE know that?

"Don't you know that!"

"Look, I wasn't FLIRTING. I was having a humorous conversation."

"Phoenix… she was batting her eyelashes at you. What in the NAME of God do you call that?"

"It was a joke, dammit!"

"I don't think so, buddy! I think… I think you're cheating on me."

"WHAT!"

"You heard me, Phoenix! I think you're cheating, and you're using the old 'pretend-to-be-mortified' trick to cover it up."

"I'm not pretending to be mortified, Jullianne… I AM mortified! How… how could you say such a thing?"

"How could you DO such a thing as cheat? I thought you loved me!"

"Jullianne! LISTEN to yourself! Just because I'm sharing a few jokes with another girl doesn't mean I'm cheating on you."

"You DON'T love me! You didn't deny you don't! I can't believe you!"

"What's THAT supposed to mean?"

"You know very well what I meant, you heartless cad!"

"No… no I don't know what you meant. I love you, Jullianne, and you're having some sort of woman moment, getting all paranoid and stuff."

"WOMAN MOMENT? I'm looking out for our relationship, Phoenix!"

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I WAS JUST HAVING A FUNNY CONVERSATION! Our relationship is NOT in jeopardy!"

"You lie, Phoenix! I hate liars! You… you scum of the earth! I can't believe I love you! I can't believe I've ever loved you! You're such a rotten jerk almost ALL the time, and now you're playing around with other women! You think you own the entire world, but you don't! You think you can play with people's emotions, but you can't! You think that I'll love you even if you fool around with other girls, but I won't! I… I can't BELIEVE that you're so horrid, Phoenix! You're just another stupid, good-for-nothing, cheating, lying, son of a b-"

(I heard the words come out.

I felt that I would die,

It hurts so much to hurt you.)

I stopped short, because I noticed something odd about Phoenix. The anger in his face, in his eyes? It wasn't there anymore. He looked at me sadly, not saying anything. It was, like, his armor broke down, and he couldn't handle it. I suddenly felt like… like everything I had just called him. I felt like the scum of the earth, I felt stupid, and I couldn't believe I had just hurt the one person I honestly cared about like that. It felt… horrible. That sinking feeling in your stomach when you know you've screwed up? Yeah… it sucks. Especially when you realize that you've just emotionally scarred your boyfriend. That kind of sinking feeling is the worst of all, believe me.

(Then you… look at me.

You're not shouting anymore.

You're silently… broken.)

"Phoenix… I'm sor-"

"No. No you're not. I… need to be alone for a while."

"Phoenix! LISTEN TO ME. I'm sorry!"

"You don't sound sorry. Now leave me alone."

"Dammit, Phoenix, I'm trying to apologize!"

At that moment, Phoenix whipped out his bow and hit me with a Hastebreak. As I slowly tried to run after him, I saw it was no use.

WHY did I yell at him like that? Man, I screwed up that apology. Royally. I guess… I assumed he loved me so much that he would listen to me if I screamed whatever I wanted him to do. Obviously, that doesn't work.

(I'd give anything now

To kill those words for you.)

It's several days later, and Phoenix hasn't talked to me. Heck, I haven't even seen him at all. Well, that's not true. I've seen him in the pub, but when he notices I'm there, he gets up and walks out. Dammit, why did I have to say that? Now I'M probably the one who screwed up our relationship! I… I don't want to lose the guy. He means too much to me. Now that I've had some days to think it over… he means more to me than I realized.

Several more days have passed, and I've tried talking to him several times. Unfortunately, I've screwed it up each time, ending up by yelling at his retreating back. The worst part is, he seems hopeful I've changed each time I try talking to him. At least he did in the beginning, anyway. Now… he probably knows how it's going to end up.

There he is! I make my way over. He sees me… shakes his head, and walks into a crowded market area. I try following him in, but it's no use. Man, he knows how to disappear when he doesn't want to be with anyone. It's like he learned how to Conceal himself, but of course that's not possible.

(Each time I say something I regret,

I cry, "I don't want to lose you.")

I really don't want to lose you, Phoenix. I fully wish I could re-do that conversation with you and admit that I was being paranoid, that I was overreacting. Phoenix… I love you. I know you can't hear me right now, but surely you know at least THAT much. Well… no… maybe you don't. Not after what I said, anyway.

Dammit all! Why did I have to scream at him like that? I'm afraid that he'll start looking for someone else. I haven't talked to Dave about what's going on, since I would have to explain that I kinda blew up at Phoenix. That would result in Dave siding with Phoenix and saying it was my fault, something I do NOT want to hear again… I've told myself enough times already.

(But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me.

Somehow I'll make you see

How happy you make me.)

I need Phoenix. As much as I hate to admit it, I definitely need the guy. Despite all of his now-insignificant faults, he cheers me up. Now… all I can find comfort in is my sake, and that's not a very healthy way of comforting myself. I need to find someway to show him how much he means to me. Leave his friends messages to give to him? Yeah, that might work.

… Apparently not. Turns out his friends are pretty pissed off at me for shattering Phoenix's heart. I talked to his Moogle friend –Is it Mack? Something like that- and the little guy just shook his head and looked at me.

"Kupo… you have NO idea how much you hurt Phoenix, kupo… and every time you bungle another apology, it hurts him even worse."

Alright. Scratch Plan A. Time to revert to plan B. And, unfortunately, it's a pretty drastic plan. Let me put it to you this way: it involves posting a mission request at the pub.

And so here I was, waiting for Phoenix to show up at Lutia Pass. Basically, the mission request said that I needed to talk to him alone, and that he come to Lutia Pass as soon as he could. It took him several days, so in that time, I rehearsed what I would do, smiling grimly at my plan. Yes… it should work, but it would put me in a world of hurt. Was Phoenix worth that much pain? Hell, yes.

Finally, my Hunter came, calling out my name, saying he was finally here, etcetera. I appeared on one of the cliffs above him. One of the higher cliffs, actually.

"I'm up here, Phoenix…"

"Jullianne? What are you doing up there? I don't want to shout, you know."

"Don't worry… there won't be any need."

(I can't live this life

Without you by my side.)

"Jullianne?"

Without a word, I crouched, leaned forward, and in a quick, cat-like movement, jumped off of the ledge.

"Jullianne! No!"

I closed my eyes, not wanted to count down the seconds until impact. Hah… he pulled that arrow stunt at the tourney… now it was my turn. The wind whistled by as I fell. I had no idea how close the ground was now, but I could sure hear Phoenix screaming. Yeah… let him scream… he deserves- No wait… stop thinking like that, Jullianne. That's what got you here in the first place. Oh well… at least it will all be over soo-

(I need you to survive,

so stay with me…)

My eyes flickered open. The pain was almost unbearable. From what I could tell, I seemed to be cradled in Phoenix's arms, as he looked down at me, a pained look on his face. His eyes were red, probably from crying, and tears were streaking down his face.

"Jullianne… what are you trying to do? Kill me twice in one lifetime?"

"I… I can't live… without you, Phoenix."

(You look in my eyes,

and I'm screaming inside that-)

"I… I'm sorry."

(-I'm sorry.)

Apparently, it was a few weeks later that I woke up in the medical center in Cyril. I was hoping for the Bervenia Medical Center, but one can't have everything, I guess. Anyway, when I awoke, I was staring straight up at the white plastered ceiling above me. I got bored of the view in about 2.742 seconds, so I turned my head to the left, and there was Phoenix… sleeping of course. Typical.

"Phoenix…"

Nothing.

"Phoenix?"

Still nothing.

"Phoenix!"

"Huh? Wha-?" He looked around and saw that I was awake. Immediately, the guy was practically glued to me. He threw the blankets off and hugged me to the point where one of the White Mages running the center told him angrily to exercise caution when visiting patients. He obligingly released me and laid down facing me, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb as he smiled.

"You're one of the dumbest Viera that I know, Jullianne."

"Look who's talking, arrow boy."

My Hunter smiled at my small joke, scooted closer, and kissed me.

And by did it feel good to have him back.

(And you forgive me again.

You're my one true friend.

And I never meant to hurt you.)

A/N: So what do you think? I was quite happy how closely I was able to follow the lyrics with the story. I thought it was kind've cool, actually. Anyway, let me know how you like it, and swear I'll start hauling my butt on my RA2 story so I can get rolling again with Phoenix & Co.


End file.
